were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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