once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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