What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
