you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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