So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
