I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the day after is always just damage control
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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