What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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