If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
