I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
