He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
