if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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