she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
