So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
