Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
