So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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