she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
