This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
