I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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