He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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