The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
