the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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