how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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