I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
