he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
