Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
