there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
