I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
bring money and cleavage
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
