i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize