the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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