good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
