I hope mine doesn't look like that
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
