I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
