Im at strip club and am horny
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
