I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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