Small penises have feelings too.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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