I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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