He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
