I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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