I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
