You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
