And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's always time for handjobs
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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