At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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