he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
