when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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