I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
