if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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