Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Need sex. Gaining weight.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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