so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
