i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
