His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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