its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize