rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
