So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
