Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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