I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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