Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
