I just threw up on my dentist
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
