I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
