Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
