A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
