but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
