Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
