Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize