hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
