How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
