turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
